Vocations
father edward r. horkan
In late 1994, I was an attorney at a mid-sized Washington law firm. I had a good income, a house, a dog, a convertible, and increasing social contacts. From a material point of view, things were going very well. However, I increasingly felt a void in the soul. The void came from the fact that, while I went to Mass, sometimes prayed, and believed in the Catholic faith. I had not been to Confession in years and I had not truly repented of many past sins. I had never made a conscious decision to stop going to Confession. Rather, while attending the University of Virginia, I had just let it slide away, and had picked up a lot of worldly, epicurean habits, justifying them on the grounds that they were not causing any obvious problems and were not nearly so bad as what others were doing. There had been brief times in which good people, such as when then Deacon (now Father) Marcus Pollard and some other good parishioners at St. Luke parish in McLean had given me vision of a higher life in the summer of 1989.. But I never really followed through after returning to college and then law school.
However, while I was back at St. Luke parish, I became affiliated again a number of people who were fully practicing their faith, including a high school classmate of mine, Carlos Herrera, who was the Youth Director at the parish and members of the young adult club there. And, when I compared my life to theirs, I realized how far short I fell. I saw in their lives a joyfulness and peace that I wanted but knew I could not have unless I was at peace with God. And so I stopped making excuses and resolved at long last to return to the Sacrament of Penance. I also began attending daily Mass, praying more regularly, and really thinking about how my life reflected my faith, and how it did not.
Once I was back in God’s graces, He played His cards in rapid succession. I joined the young adults group and was filled with a sense of joy at their prayer, charitable works, and friendship. I became a Knight of Columbus and cheerfully joined with their activities on behalf of the Church. Over the summer and fall of 1995, I acted on requests to help out as a catechist with the parish Religious Education Program and as a sponsor for the RCIA program. I was glad to give of my time and resources to the Church and the good people around me, including those who went to daily Mass and the young adults group. I joined a Bible study which increased my enthusiasm all the more. Then Deacon (now Father) James Mercer, who sometimes came to the Bible study group, gave me a copy of the book True Devotion to the Rosary; and soon thereafter I began praying the Rosary more often.
In one way after another, prayer and involvement with the Church became more central to my life, although my work was also going well. On the day of my oldest brother’s wedding, October 7, 1995, Fr. Michael Beers, who taught at Mount St. Mary’s seminary (“The Mount”) and often helped out at St. Luke parish, invited me to a Mass and reception at the Mount. The Mass and reception were simply to make the seminary better known with the public, but the invitation got me thinking about becoming a priest myself. When I was at the Mount a few weeks later, something seemed very right about entering the seminary myself. But I was also very nervous about making such a dramatic step. I went back and forth in my own mind for almost a year before I realized that I was going to have to test the calling more actively. And so I arranged to spend a weekend at the Mount in early September of 1996. The prayerfulness, helpfulness, and cheerfulness of the seminarians inspired me to move further.
Soon thereafter, I spoke with Fr. Martin McGuill, the pastor of St. Luke, and Fr. James Gould, then the Vocations Director for the diocese. They were encouraging, but without putting any pressure on me to act before I was ready. During the next several months I was discerning and filling out the applications, resolving doubts and thinking about what path of life God had planned for me. Fr. Gould invited me to a retreat with the seminarians in December, 1996. By the end of that retreat, during which the prayerful and joyful example of the seminarians was very inspiring, I did no so much decide to enter the seminary as I realized I had already made that decision, and was thinking of myself as preparing for the priesthood. A few later, I told Fr. Gould of my clear desire to prepare for the priesthood. And he called me back two weeks later with the Bishop’s acceptance.
I entered the Mount in August of 1997 and benefited greatly from my experience there, especially with regard to prayer, learning, and a spirit of fraternal charity. However, shortly before he died, Bishop Keating decided to send me to study at the North American College in Rome. And so, in August of 1998, I left for Rome for studies there, where I benefited from an experience of the many cultures in the Church, of the history of that city, and of course from the proximity and saintly presence of His Holiness Pope John Paul II and of his assistants. After four years of studies in Rome, and a year as a deacon at St. Michael’s parish, I was ordained a priest forever on June 7, 2003. And I look forward to many years of prayer and ministry on earth, bringing Christ to earth, and preparing others and myself for the glory of heaven.